Recently Cheryl gave me this painted rock in celebration of my 40 years of sobriety. This is a perfect symbol of what I consider to be a miracle – a day of sobriety continuous granted over a forty year period.
When I tell my story, I describe how I was a shy, angry child who often spent long periods of time separated from the normal children (put in the special ed. section). This continued until I entered a private school. I smile as I relate the story – “…where if you have enough money, you are smart.” Within a week of starting this new school, I had my first cigarette; soon thereafter my first joint; and a few months later my first drink.
After the first drink/first drunk, I drank whenever possible and life became worth living. I could talk, dance, and sing (I can’t really dance or sing). I went from being a special Ed. kid to a straight A student. I had found the solution to my problem – alcohol. Unfortunately I am one of those people, who once I have taken a drink, I do not stop until something makes me stop. My teenage years became full of experiences where I hurt others or was hurt by others. I found myself drunk at times that I did not wish to be drunk – like at a friend’s funeral.
In the summer of 1980, I was introduced to a group of people just like me. Like me, these people were powerless over alcohol. I learned that the common solution for these people was to ask a Higher Power (in the morning, on one’s knees) to keep away from a drink; put sobriety first; then thank that Higher Power at night. And as my friend Paula would say, “If you are lucky enough the next day to wake up, you do it all over again.”
One small problem – I had stopped believing in God. (I think C.S. Lewis describes a similar period in his life; “…I was angry at God for not existing.”)
I was attracted to the people who had an active faith in God, (as they understood Him). In the fall of 1980, I was walking to my car after talking with some of these people and I looked up to the starlit sky and said “Hey, I will believe in you if you keep me sober.” Every morning I would get on my knees and pray “Dear Joanne’s God, please keep me sober.” An amazing thing happened – I have not had a drink since July 11th 1980. (It makes it fairly easy to believe in God, if a drunk like me can stay sober).
All Are Welcome in my Father's House 