Essay July 11, 2021

Happy, Joyous and Free

Angels in the sky during evening prayers

It is that time of year that my glee regarding this day of sobriety cannot be contained; and so I write.

Prior to the celebration of my 41^st sober birthday, I shared with Joanne, my thoughts:

“I have been weepy in a good way all day. You would think after all this time, that I would not be surprised when God, when asked in the morning to keep me away from a drink, keeps me sober the entire day.”

The adjectives found in the title of this essay are found in Chapter 9 (The family afterward) of the Big Book.  Throughout my sobriety, I more readily related to the sentiments found on page 164.

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.
Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past.

Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

After listening to a Tim Keller sermon on Peace, all of a sudden it became clear that Happy, joyous and Free are the perfect description of the gift of sobriety. In Tim Keller’s sermon on Peace, he described the fruit of the Holy Spirit – Love, Joy, Peace… (Galatians 5).

I want to start with the wonderful condition referred to as Joy. Joy, unlike happiness, is not contingent on circumstances. I had intense joy while in intensive care following my brain surgery. I believe Joy is a gift from our Higher Power. It buoys us up into the arms of our Creator, no matter the circumstances. I believe it is never earned through good works, but is always granted to those who seek Him with their entire heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New Revised Standard Version

¹¹ For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. ¹² Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. ¹³ When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart…

Joy is so unlike the other aspects – happiness, freedom, even from love. It bubbles up in unexpected ways. I think I will start by sharing the experiences of old friends.

Let’s start with Betty Mac; first let’s give a little background information.

Betty Mac was diagnosed with a terminal illness affecting her pulmonary system in 1996. She was given a 10% chance to survive and told to get her affairs in order. She started an intense daily chemotherapy which continued for eight years, at which time she was considered to be in complete remission. Later she developed Lymphoma and died October 2, 2013 (on her sober birthday).

I was present when she first announced her health concerns in 1996, and would pray daily for her. In 2003, she found out that I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. One of my favorite memories, is Betty coming up to me Christmas Eve, with a huge smile on her face, I was now a member of her group of people with serious health issues. She told me how surprised, yet grateful, she was to be alive. And she shared with me the joy that she discovered in living each day in the knowledge that each day is a gift from God.

Next is Lloyd.

Every time Lloyd shared, he described how he had done nothing to earn the gift of sobriety. He would often share how he spent 16 years in a prison for the criminally insane, over the death of a young woman. I know he showed nothing but kindness to me; giving me rides when he saw me walking and giving me a new 100 cup coffee pot when the one that I was entrusted with caught on fire. He invited me to his wedding in 1982 and soon afterward, he and Mary moved away. A few years later they came back. I remember how he came up to me at the Saturday Night meeting and smiled from ear to ear. “Phyllis, it is good to see you….Phyllis, I have been faithful.” The way he shared that information was similar to the way a person might share that they had won a million dollars. When I think of joy, I always think of Lloyd because joy is most easily cherished when one realizes one doesn’t deserve it.

Next is Paula.

Paula and I became friends when she moved to South County RI in 2006. I would give her rides to doctors and out of town meetings. When my mother got ill, she listened and gave me support – she shared from her long list of hardships. In 2012, she was diagnosed with terminal Melanoma. She wrote me a letter describing the joy she felt in the decision made by her and her doctors not to treat her condition aggressively.  We would often talk on spiritual matters, especially death and dying. I remember speaking to her the night before she died. Our reminiscing was full of laughter and joy – she could not wait to be with her husband Johnny.

Next is Jack.

In Jack’s story, he described having the last rites of the Church performed for him twice, once for a motorcycle accident and the second time for a head-on collision after a night of heavy drinking. The second accident affected the left side of his brain – paralyzing the right side of his body. He had to re-learn how to talk, walk, and use his left side for everything. All who knew him were impressed by his cheerful attitude toward life. In 2013 he fell down a flight of stairs which caused more internal injuries. It became harder for him to navigate each day, but he remained cheerful. On April 30 2021, Jack died in his sleep. The paramedics described their surprise when they reached the home – Jack was already dead, but what surprised them was that Jack had a smile on his face.

Every time that Jack spoke, he would end with a portion of a Sanskrit Proverb that can be found in the foreword to the 24 hour book:

…Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision,

But today well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope…

I used to think this was sappy, but as I lay in the hospital bed with all my memories rushing in, they were all precious because I have, in sobriety, lived today well.

I think of my Mom, Dad, Step Mom, Step sister, brother, sister, aunts and uncles, co-workers, church families, and my sober family and I realize just how fortunate I am. I love a very large number of people.

I have enjoyed writing this, with more than one tear leaking out as I reminisce about all the wonderful people in my life. If you haven’t figured it out yet, each person in my life is wonderful not by their deeds or by their knowledge, but by God’s love for them. “…Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”